As I was pouring my coffee this morning, a pink and purple glow caught my eye from the adjoining room. This radiance emanated the dining room: the one room where we don’t close the blinds at night. As I gazed out the window, I encountered this scene.
A new day. A stunning new day.
Not only was the sunrise brilliant and inspirational, the peace and serenity of the snow was a perfect border to this majestic scene.
It’s a new day. And the compassion and faithfulness of God are new every morning.
This is one of the reasons I love mornings. I am fresh, awake (after a few cups of coffee), and the day ahead of me is full of possibility. That includes possibilities for positive change.
We all have things about ourselves or our lives that we want to change. For me, the perpetual perfectionist, the list is always growing. Even when I do make an adjustment, there is always something else waiting to replace my newly checked off item.
How can you make a change that is real and enduring? I believe there are some simple keys that have proven effective in my life. These principles can be implemented regardless of the time of year or your stage of life.
1. Limit what you want to change. One thing at a time is ideal.
As I mentioned, the list of things we don’t like can be enormous. Part of the reason that achieving a lasting change is illusive is that we are focusing on too many things at one time. Though the quality of being a multi-tasker seems to be highly valued, the real truth is that we can only do one thing well at a time. Yes, we may be doing 10 things at once, but how well are we really doing them? Decide on one thing you want to change and focus only on that one thing. The one goal can be really small like flossing your teeth once a day. (Don’t laugh. It was hard for me to start this habit.) Setting a single goal leads into the next key.
2. Make sure the area you want to change is specific, reasonable, and attainable.
Too often our proposed changes are way too general. I want to lose weight. I want a better job. I want to feel pretty or handsome. I want my kids to listen to me. Achieving a goal requires measurable, specific steps. Instead of simply having a goal to lose weight, make the goal more clear. I want to lose 5 pounds in 2 months. I want to eat 2 servings of fruits/vegetables a day for 4 weeks. I want to limit my caloric intake to a specific number, making sure the goal is reasonable. In the career category, how would you achieve the goal of a better job? Is there a better job available in your company? Do you first have to learn a new skill? How would you do that? If you desire to change the way you feel about your looks, perhaps you could decide that you want to choose to dress in nicer clothes or try a new haircut. If the goal is to change how you feel about your self image, there are numerous ways to achieve that. Find a way that is attainable for you. A goal of having your kids listen to you could be better stated as a deliberate attempt to listen to them first. Perhaps you need to stop talking so much and limit your words so they can really listen. It may involve taking them out for a special treat 1 time per week to encourage communication.
3. Realize that your change can not be dependent on a change in someone or something else.
This is a common roadblock to true and lasting change. We rest our hope for a change in another person’s behavior or a change in our situation. The only person that you can control is yourself. Allowing your change to be dependent on some variable has your success hinging on that variable. A variable is just that: variable. The word means, “liable to change,” and not always in a way that you would like. Find a way to state your goal so that other people’s behavior or a change in the situation is irrelevant to whether or not you bring about your change.
4. Have reasonable expectations about the time frame that is necessary for the change.
Some goals are easier to achieve than others. I had heard it said that a habit takes 21 days to become automatic. When I searched it out, I found that one empirical study revealed that it actually takes 66 days (or 2 months) for a habit to occur! Wow. In other words, that would be the bare minimum for lasting change. Some real change can take several months or up to a year to attain. Once you have set a reasonable time frame, stick to it. If your interval from start to finish is quite long, then set up intermediary goals to track your progress. Look for ways to gauge progress on long term goals, and give yourself credit for small successes. Anything of substance that can be changed or built requires diligence and commitment, and time is a very important factor to consider.
5. Start.
It may seem simple and obvious, but many people spend more time wishing they could change than actually doing the legwork required to bring about change. There is a danger zone called the ‘paralysis of analysis.’ We go over and over the problems without thinking of a solution to bring about change. Sometimes we just analyze the solution without taking any steps to implement it. Once you define and determine your goal, just dive in. It can be scary at first, because getting something moving is much more difficult than keeping it going, according to Sir Isaac Newton.
6. Reward yourself for successes, however small.
Don’t let discouragement or difficulty deter you from your commitment. Recognize any small level of success, and when there is a setback, get yourself back up and moving again towards the goal. None of us can do life perfectly, so plan for some mistakes. You must also remember: making a mistake or slipping out of your newly acquired habit doesn’t mean you have failed. A few mistakes don’t affect the long term results. If you taking two steps forward and then an occasional one step back, then you are still making forward progress. Celebrate that. One word of caution. Don’t let any rewards you give yourself undermine the goal. For example, the perk for sticking to your diet should not be going out for a big dessert.
7. Get help. Identify encouragers who can cheer you on and get them on your team.
Change is difficult. Despite our best intentions and efforts, we all need encouragement when things become challenging. Friends or family who have the ability to remind us of our success, not our failure can bring a dose of a “can do” attitude when we need it most. Knowing who those supporters are in the beginning will help you to stay accountable as well.
8. Recognize and access God’s strength and power in you through prayer.
I left this key for last because it is the one that is most important, and the one I want you to remember. God created you with purpose and destiny. Your ability to achieve that purpose is super charged by a vital living relationship with Him. All through the process of change, this faith will support and boost your efforts. It is the foundation, and it is the fuel that will strengthen you along the journey.
I am purposely ending up where I started. It is a new day, and the mercies of God are new for you.
I encourage you to read the rest of Lamentations 3 as you consider a change. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.”
With that foundation in mind, today is a good day to make a change. What will your change be?
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