One of my favorite parts of the Olympics are the personal, inspirational stories of athletes who overcome obstacles to meet their dreams. The celebration of victory becomes much more relatable, even to non-athletic spectators, when the preceding defeats are revealed. We can all relate to disappointments and failures, as well as the fortitude and resilience required to overcome them.
Resilience is that quality that allows us to bounce back from difficulty. I believe it’s closely linked to perseverance. We keep going even when things don’t go our way. That sheer commitment to continue despite difficulty leads to resilience.
One story that was highlighted during the Olympics was that of Shaun White, the American gold medalist in the Men’s Half Pipe. I couldn’t fully understand the scope of his victory and his emotional tears until I learned the specifics of his injury before this historic Olympic win. The newscasters mentioned his 62 stitches, but it wasn’t until I actually watched the serious fall that I understood the joy of his accomplishment. The final run that propelled him into first place included a trick that, only 4 months earlier, had resulted in a fall that tore his face apart, leaving as many emotional scars to overcome as physical ones.
As I was reading about White, I came across an even more amazing example of this driving resilience. Alana Nichols was an athletic 17-year-old with dreams of playing collegiate softball. She had played several other sports including basketball and volleyball. While attempting a snowboard trick in 2000, she suffered a broken back that left her paralyzed from the waist down. Her dreams were instantly (and potentially irrevocably) shut down.
Despite the injury and paralysis, Alana chose a challenging road to recovery and re-identified herself and her dreams. To date, she is a five-time Paralympian and has won Gold, Silver and Bronze medals in multiple events.
A Step Beyond Resilience
What if this resilience can not only allow us to keep going in spite of failures, but can actually propel us into something better because of the failures? What if our difficulties can actually transform us into something far beyond what we would have been without them? Scars can then become a symbol of triumph instead of a reminder of what might have been. This phenomenal ability to launch oneself from difficulty is transformative resilience.
In the New York Time’s article “The Six Steps to Turning Setbacks Into Advantages,” I came across this definition of transformative resilience. It added a new dimension to my thoughts about overcoming adversity. I remembered Joseph who was a Biblical example of this attribute. Joseph woke up one day in prison, far removed from his role as favored son in his family. Joseph had dreams of prominence as a teenager. I would imagine, at multiple points later in his life, that he struggled to reconcile those dreams with reality. Everyone will bow down to me. How can that be so in the confines of a prison cell?
Joseph made many choices along his journey. Because of his relationships with fellow prisoners, he found a pathway to the king. Because of his choices to continue in integrity even when he was mistreated, he earned favor. That favor led to position. That position led to new skills and relationships. That position also led to more opportunities (and choices) for faithfulness. That in turn led to the ultimate position of influence. Many did eventually bow down to him.
Postponed Dreams & Raisins
What happens when your dream is deferred? Worse still, what happens when the exact opposite of that dream occurs?
Langston Hughes had some ideas on this.
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
Like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
A dream deferred is a perfect opportunity for perseverance and resilience. The interesting thing about resilience is that it’s not a genetic quality that you either have or you don’t. Resilience is a quality that can be developed by everyone. It grows stronger (or weaker) by choices, made over and over. As I pondered resilience, I realized I had seen its operation in my own life. Most recently, I had experienced a level of transformative resilience in my last two years of playing tennis.
As a teen, I learned to play tennis, developed my natural aptitude, and played competitively on my high school team. I always loved tennis, not only because I was good at it, but because it provided a physical and emotional release. It made me happy. Despite my enjoyment of the sport, the pace of family life began to consume my time, and my tennis racquet fell to the side.
Three years ago, I decided to pick it back up again. Having no idea where to start, I joined a “Learn to Play Tennis” class, hoping to meet some other players and figure out how to get involved.
The first year of playing was rough. I struggled to play like I remembered I could play. I lost. A lot. My rating plunged to barely above a beginning player status. My confidence took a huge hit, and I began to wonder if it would be easier to just quit. After many matches, I would come home and cry myself to sleep, feeling like a failure. Despite the losses, I chose not to quit, but instead worked harder and harder, overcoming injuries, and improving my skills. Even with the work, I continued to lose, and sometimes I lost more than the game. My frustration began to come out on the court and at my partner. After an especially disappointing loss, my partner confronted me about my attitudes. “I’m out here to have fun, win or lose,” she said. “And this is not fun.”
It was a reset for me, a much needed adjustment to my internal compass. I started over. This time, my goal was to play with heart and to be a joy on the court.
The Agony of Defeat
There are different reactions to difficulty, pain, and failure. I had experienced several of the non-productive ones. The process of developing resilience can sometimes be ugly.
- Anger is a common reaction to failure. It’s interesting that self-control precedes perseverance in 2 Peter 1:6 in the pathway to effectiveness, fruitfulness, and productivity.
- Throwing oneself into busyness is another. We must examine our busyness to see if we are hiding behind it to avoid dealing with the failure or with feelings of inadequacy.
- Paralysis is a third response. We sometimes believe that not doing anything is better than failing, and quitting seems like a perfectly valid choice. Sometimes we quit not only the failed direction but other normal activities as well. Temporary paralysis can be reasonable and healthy. A trauma can create a pause in our lives and in our momentum. However, a paralysis that continues can become chronic and harmful.
- Blaming other people is sometimes a response to failure. I struggled with this at times in my tennis journey. Sometimes it was the fault of my partner, my captain, or my team, but admitting my own failures was a critical step to a healthy responses that could lead to resilience. Taking personal responsibility is a key to moving out of negative responses to pain and failure.
Granted, my story about tennis is a safe one. It is not a major life trauma. It is not life or death. But the tennis story came during a time in my life where I was recovering from other personal difficulties, transition, pain, and failure. It was merely one of the things that was happening in my life. I believe the Lord used this concrete example to teach me a bigger lesson about more important issues.
Last year, things began to change for me in tennis. I found a new team. I began to win. And my teams won over and over. The biggest shift for me, however, was learning to have fun regardless of how my partner or I was playing. With God’s help, I found something greater than my natural capacity for self-control and joy.
The year of failure in tennis pushed me towards transformation. I learned humility from my mistakes, made better decisions in the future, and adjusted my attitude. That transformation helped to lead to state and regional tennis victories, as well as the ultimate attainment of going to a national tennis championship. In 2016 I failed miserably and was nearly at the bottom. In 2017, I was at the top.
Resilience is Purposeful
Resilience can be cultivated. It is like a muscle that must be exercised to be strengthened. Transformative resilience involves faith, courage, deliberate choice, and perseverance, despite the results. There are several small ways to encourage ourselves and strengthen our resilience.
- Positivity and optimism are powerful agents in changing our perspective. Philippians 4:8 says we should think about things that are good, pure, true, and lovely. This kind of thinking is a choice, especially when negative thoughts are fighting for our attention.
- Remembering past victories can help in the midst of a current defeat. There is opportunity for encouragement when we remember.
- We can choose to cultivate perpetual learning. Being willing to change and learn new things develops elasticity in our brains and our hearts.
- Reaching out for help from supportive and resilient family or friends is vital when we are struggling. We are not meant to walk through difficulty alone.
The Road to Resilience and Perseverance and the Science of Resilience have other solid and helpful tips on developing this trait in your life for those who want to explore more practical steps.
In Romans, Paul says that “we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame.” (Romans 5:3-5) Suffering can have a positive, transformative effect on our lives.
Becoming Raisins
Perhaps we can not become Olympic athletes. But we can see their stories and be inspired. We can resolve to press forward towards our own goals and dreams, becoming better because of our failures. Dreams, especially deferred ones, can be transformed just like raisins.
I like to remember that a raisin was once a grape. That grape was transformed through a process of heat and pressure into something sweeter and more versatile. Not only that, a raisin lasts much longer than a grape. It endures. When my dreams are deferred, I want to remember the raisin and choose to let myself and my dreams be transformed.
This was good for my soul. Beautifully written. ❤️
Thanks Amber!